Antony N Britt – Author

The good old days …

Nooooo! Not that Good Old Days!

It’s time for another trip down memory lane and a delve into the archives of the old Myspace Sunday Roasts. Or another way of putting it, I have bugger all to write about this week.

I still curse at Myspace as it has been painful for a long time to log on and revisit my old hunting ground. This matter was compounded even more, recently. You see, not only have Myspace deleted many of the pictures on my old blogs, all the lovely comments by my readers have been removed, now.

And they expect me to sign up for the new updated Myspace? No thanks.

Therefore …

My bit for recycling (Originally posted 16 November 2008)

No, I’m not referring to recycling my old roasts, but an actual piece on helping the environment, as of five years ago.

I’m always one for trying to save the environment, and I do my bit. Recyle. However, I wonder how efficient my energy saving efforts are. I had a foil tin which had contained a meal with cheese. Well, while washing up, I suddenly realised I’d spent over two minutes trying to clean this for recycling by running the hot tap water on it, thus burning my gas in heating the water. I also wasted about two litres of the water into the bargain. So how is that a saving?

Still, I did come across a new environment friendly thing the other day. A pen made from recycled car parts. Lets just hope it wasn’t recycled from a Renault because if a spring goes, it will cost £50 to replace and you’ll have to wait three weeks for the parts to be shipped from France.

Hmm, Pens made from recycled car parts … I wonder if you have a pen made from a 4×4, does it guzzles the ink faster? And would one made from a Rover 75 write slower than any other pen you have ever used in your life? What about biros made from old Volvo’s; are they able to tow a caravan? And finally, would those made from a Vauxhall Vectra have loads of little switches which seem to have a mind of their own and only work when they want to?

And this still happens five years on … (Originally posted 16 November 2008)

I am reminded of a quick emergency trip I made to Asda the other day (Walmart, as some of you over the stream may call it) .

Now why is it, when you go into Asda and only purchase two packets of ‘Weight Watchers Creamy Chicken with Mushrooms’ for £3, are you asked by the checkout person, ‘Would you like any help with your packing?’

However, when you are there after spending £200 which is crammed into two full trolleys, both with dodgy wheels which keep locking and you have three kids running around, all piling sweets into said trolleys (that you specifically told them not to), and you have to scream at them to stop sliding on the polished floor, or pushing the public address system button while screaming ‘Scooby Dooby Doooo!’ to the entire store, are you left by the formerly helpful checkout person to pack all the bloody stuff yourself?

And don’t even get me started on self-scan tills. Only I could have an argument with a machine.

Automated checkouts. This one was on a lunch break.

And now for the paranormal … (Originally posted 30 November 2008)

I have never been one to believe in UFOs. Surprising when you consider my experience the paranormal with ghosts and stuff. However, I heard a story on the news that a place very close to myself has some of the most convincing UFO accounts in the UK. I did a little research and found out that West Bromwich and surrounding area has had more than its fair share, one of which goes back to 1979.

According to the British UFO Research Association, a woman reported an egg-shaped object about eight feet long which had flown down and landed in her garden. The association also say, the object left prominent ground traces which were subsequently photographed and measured. The woman then found that her eyesight was adversely affected and her general well-being was so disturbed, her GP advised her to stay off work for a fortnight. Typical Black Country excuses. Anything for a week or two on the sick. Apparently, after a short stay in her garden, the ship took off again and hovered before shooting off west and heading towards Dudley. It was obvious the aliens were aware the Merry Hill Centre had late opening hours and they wanted to do a bit of shopping.

UFO landing outside Primark.

Those accounts were from the UFO archives. However, at the time of writing the piece, my team, West Bromwich Albion were bottom of the Premier League and got relegated that year. So, therefore from 2008 …

A police helicopter flying at 1500ft over West Bromwich came across a UFO when they had a near miss and almost collided with the bugger. However, looking deeper, I found more sightings in which two separate witnesses, again in West Bromwich, observed “White round balls of light close together which came out of the sky, floated, then disappearied.’

Ahhh, it began to make sense. West Bromwich. You see, West Bromwich Albion hadn’t scored many goals at that time. Most shots were wide of the mark and blasted miles out of the ground

Bloody UFOs, my arse! It’s that team and their inability to put a round ball into the back of a massive net. In fact, the blooming things are still traveling, now.

Above, we have a prime example and the Kanu open goal fluff from 2004. One foot out, he managed to balloon the ball over the bar where it was then lost, but later found by Mulder and Scully.

So, that wraps up the nostalgia for today.

Hopefully by next week, something will have happened for me to write about. Till then …

Cheers.

Nick