Antony N Britt – Author

A bit like pulling teeth.

No, this isn’t another bit about people on the Jeremy Kyle Show who have bad teeth. The reason I’m posting a retro picture from a 1980s advert for toothpaste is that I had to go to the dentist the other day. The thing is … dentists – I hate going. The whole procedure is so invasive. On top of that, I’m sure my dentist hates me and took my ex-wife’s side when we divorced. Every time I go, he is far too rough with the scale and polish. Then there’s having a filling. He says having anaesthetic is dangerous these days and I need the drilling without one. I think he’s lying. Come on, I have reason to be worried. Even his name – Mr Carver. It send shivers. I insisted on a jab in the end though, then spent the rest of the day dribbling tea down my shirt as a result.

Still, I needed the filling done and all went well this time, apart from after Mr Carver finished and he asked if I needed to rinse my mouth.

‘Yes please,’ I said, ‘but I’ll have a cup of tea, that pink stuff is disgusting.’

Hmmmm. You know when you’ve said the wrong thing. Talk about no sense of humour. Mind you, with him being a dentist, perhaps it was the two sugars I asked for in my drink which he objected to?

Join the 21st Century, Mrs Wilkinson.

It amazes me that in this age of equality (and supposedly, common sense), there are still narrow-minded bigots clinging onto outdated beliefs based on biblical teachings that are most probably works of fiction.

Michael Black and John Morgan had booked into the Swiss Bed and Breakfast in Cookham, only to be turned away by religious nut, Susanne Wilkinson when she found out the couple were gay.

Quite rightly, John and Michael have received a payout as compensation for being discriminated against but church groups are still smarting. They say Swiss B&B was also Mrs Wilkinson’s home. Yes, she may live there, but when you chose to run your home as a business, you lose the right to impose illegal bigoted stances.

Jumping on the bandwagon and defending Mrs Wilkinson was BNP slime-ball, Nick Griffin. Now there’s a guy, I’m sure even Mrs Wilkinson doesn’t want to be associated with. Slick Nick tweeted in her defence. I took a look at his page and replied, though he hasn’t reacted to me. I did find it amusing and ironic, though to see Nick Griffin use the terms vile and filth … about other people.

Pot, kettle, black?

The Swiss B&B – Not open to homosexuals, lesbians, unmarried heterosexual couples or just about anybody who isn’t a believer of the bullshitting work of fiction, commonly known as the Bible.

And another own goal for God.

Poor George Pratt. All the 11-year-old wanted was to join the Boy Scouts. Unfortunately, he has been refused by the 1st Midsomer Norton Group in Somerset. The reason for this discrimination is that George is an atheist and will not compromise his beliefs. The Scouts say to join, you must pledge allegiance to the Almighty.

What a load of bollocks. It’s bad enough to have to say you’ll do your duty to the Queen to get into the scouts, but at least (unfortunately) a monarchy exists, not like this biblical nonsense. What bearing should that have on a kid wanting to join a youth organisation?

I never progressed to the scouts. I was in the cubs but left after being asked to dress up as a girl for a part in a drama play by a very suspect scout leader. He kept trying to play with my woggle.

A slap in the face for hard work.

Computer company owner, Maneesh Sethi, from San Francisco has employed a woman to keep him from straying onto Facebook while at work. He pays personal assistant, Kara, a wage to slap him every time he goes onto the social network suite. However, I bet Kara wasn’t expecting to come into work the first day and find this …

Personal Assistant … is that what they’re calling BDSM in the workplace, now? Perhaps more companies should try it.

On a different note, you would not believe how many sites I had to trawl to find a clean BDSM picture. Not only that, I got a virus from doing so, too.

And on an even more vague observation, does anybody else get fed up of Live Jasmin popping up every time you want to watch pre-recorded porn on the internet?

Disgraceful scenes.

Saw the appalling treatment given to England’s Under-21 black players by the friendly Serbs the other day. Monkey chants throughout the game followed by thuggish behaviour by a sorry load of sour losers. Of course, the Serbians deny this. A bit like they’ve denied genocide in the past. I’d like to think this is the minority and most Serbs are a decent lot. Unfortunately, there weren’t many in the stadium in Krusevac the other night.

And on the subject of football …

Stoke City footballer, Peter Crouch has been banned from driving after clocking up 21pts for persistently speeding. It’s nice to know the lumbering England forward knows the meaning of speed once in a while. Not only that, 21 points is way more than his team Stoke will achieve before Christmas.

There’s Peter Crouch …

And here’s wife, Abbey Clancy.

Hmmmm … Is it his good looks, stunning personality, or just the kudos for her of being a wag for the fame and the money?

At least the anaesthetic has worn off now …

And my teeth are fine. Not only that, there was hardly a mention in this post about Jeremy Kyle’s orally challenged guests. However, as I have said in the past, my site statistics show that is what half of you have Google searched before arriving at my page. Just to look at pictures of bad teeth. Christ, I’m going to have to satisfy demand again.

There, happy now?

Cheers.

Nick