Now this one thing that ticks me off …

What, I hear you say … only one thing? Okay, so everything ticks me off, as regular readers to this blog will testify. However, next Sunday, I’m taking a road trip to Wales to see my son in college and I just know, beyond all doubt, I will come across this.

April 20 - Lorry hogging the middle lane.

Yes, bloody great lorries hogging two lanes as one tries to overtake the other at 0.00001 miles per century faster than the vehicle it’s passing.

Arrrgghh! Lorries, they should be banned from anywhere apart from the inside lane. It’s the same with caravans which slow you down. In fact, why not simply ban caravans, full stop? Okay, I technically won’t encounter caravans next weekend as I’m going to North Wales and as we all know, caravans are towed by Volvos and travel to Weston-super-Mare.

But back to these heavy good vehicles. Tell me the point in taking half an hour to overtake another lorry, only for the former one to reciprocate the lunacy two minutes later?

In the winter, I was driving in very bad weather conditions and I came across two of these cretins. Because of the spray, I couldn’t risk passing in the outside lane for ages until I knew it was safe. When I eventually did overtake them, I didn’t see another vehicle for about three miles because they’d held the traffic up so much.


Another childhood hero goes up in flames.

OMG! Back in January, at a writing group, I did a little piece and reflected on the year of 2012. It was a bit of prose which lamented amongst other things, all those 70s heroes who have now been arrested for messing about with kids. In it, I mentioned that if ever I heard Rolf Harris was involved, I’d abseil naked down the outside of the Walsall Art Gallery without a rope. So … what do you think has happened and who has been named as the latest in the scandal? Yes, you guessed it. Bloody, Rolf Harris.

April 20 - Rolf Harris Swim Video

Innocent till proven, but all those learn to swim videos he made back then ain’t going to help his cause.

Spot the moron.

It seems any idiot can make money, even if you have been found to spout bullshit at the grandest of levels.

April 20 - Andrew Wakefield

Shamed doctor, Andrew Wakefield is seeking to launch a TV career. This is despite sparking a global scare years ago by linking MMR jabs to Autism. I have children on the autistic spectrum. I’m not a doctor but even I know it’s genetic and not caused by the rubbish he says it is. So how is it, even though he is struck off from practicing medicine, he is seemingly allowed to do so in front of a camera? Surely being discredited and banned should mean he is also not allowed to air his views, considering his history.

Amazing. Some US television show hires him to tell people with autism how to cope. Him, whose ideas on autism caused parents not to give their kids vital jabs and therefore put thousands at risk of death.

Banned from practicing medicine? He should be in bloody jail.

Which direction will I find the talent?

Karaoke boyband, One Direction have been immortalised in wax.

No, don’t get your hopes up, the real ones haven’t been dropped in a vat a-la Kenneth Williams where they’ll be screaming, “Frying tonight.”

April 20 - Kenneth Williams Frying Tonight

Unfortunately, the group are the latest to go on display at Madame Tussauds.

April 20 - One Direction Wax Dummies

So, which ones are real and which are wax? Personality taken into consideration, you’d never tell. Even if you stuck 10 instruments in front of them, you wouldn’t know either because despite being a music band, One Direction’s instruments bizarrely play themselves.

Give me strength. I recall the time when only people with talent and mass murderers were allowed into Tussaud’s. What is the world coming to?

Enjoy your Sunday.

I’m off out for a bit. I reckon I’ll take a drive up the motorway and remain in the middle lane, two feet in front of a heavy goods vehicle who wants to overtake.

See, I can be petty, too.