Tag Archive: One DIrection


Still harping on about Christmas.

I do hate it. Just for once it would be nice to do something I want instead of having to please other people.

December 23 - Bah Humbug!

Ahh, Christmas. A time when we should all worship our loving God. The same God who slaughters over 2 million of his subjects in the Bible. With friends like him …?

Take the nativity. Jesus is born and God sends a star to guide three wise men to bear gifts. Unfortunately, the star isn’t accurate and the men end up going to King Herod by mistake. So, having been sent the wrong way by God, the wise men blurt out the secret to Herod, thus instigating the massacre of the innocents. Hmm … Doesn’t sound very wise to me.

Dec 29 - Monty Python Wise Men

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Because of God’s misdirection, dozens of newborn subjects, waiting to be brainwashed into loving God, are murdered.

There is a moral to this story. If ever in life you are lost and in need of direction, don’t trust God, buy a Sat-Nav instead.

Merry Christmas.

And talking of Christmas presents …

Earlier this year I did a piece about a two inch Hex/Allen key which came posted to me in a twelve inch box full of polystyrene shapes to protect the metal object. Well, one of David’s Christmas presents nearly matched that for over zealous packing.

Dec 29 - Big Box for Small Item © Antony N Britt

There it is, a massive three-foot box to send a twelve inch toy train. And no bubble wrap … tut tut. It’s a good job my recycle collection came two days after Christmas.

And while I was shopping for the kids toys …

I’m glad my daughter isn’t into those bland karaoke singers from One Dimension (I mean … One Direction). If she was, she may have wanted me to buy her the replica dolls instead of the Gothic Dead Dolls she normally likes (Yes, I have children with strange tastes). However, while I was shopping for Clawdeen Wolf, Venus Flytrap and Viperine Gorgon, I came across the previously mentioned boy-band dolls.

Dec 29 - One Direction Doll in Shop

Ahh … I’m kind of guessing Liam is the minger of the band who nobody wants. I almost feel sorry for him.

And the picture of the week.

When I used to post on Myspace, I only offered one photograph a week at first. It would always be something I came across while out and about. This one I’m sticking on now reminds me of the ludicrous things I used to see.

As I was climbing the staircase to make my way to a coffee shop, I noticed elsewhere in the building there was a CD and Record fair taking place. However, half way up the stairs, after kicking some puppet frog out of the way, I noticed a directional sign for the CD event.

Dec 29 - Upside Down Sign © Antony N Britt

I’m guessing they hadn’t a sign which catered for the stairs turning to the right so therefore had to put this one upside down.

Only in Walsall.

A short observation.

Also in my Myspace roasts, I would have a piece titled, Knob of the Week. Okay, this knob was a couple of weeks ago but I haven’t posted in that time so I really should give one final award and hand it to Lord Hanningfield.

Dec 29 - Lord Hanningfield

Hanningfield has been in the news over the revelation he claimed £300 allowance for spending 45 minutes in the House of Lords one day.

Yet another example of the over privileged having positions of power in this country. In an interview, the Tory Twit stated he didn’t know what the fuss was about. He called it, “A storm in a teacup.”

Spending under an hour to earn £300, I’m surprised he had time for a cup of tea.

And a Happy New Year.

2013 has been the most difficult year of my life, and it had a knock on effect in my writing. As for the Sunday Roast, I hope throughout, people haven’t been offended by what I say. It really is, tongue-in-cheek.

I don’t actually dislike One Direction. I wouldn’t know their songs if they were blasting my eardrums. I don’t even hate Russel Brand, Sharon Osbourne or any of the other celebrities I’ve lampooned. Even the royals, I’m ambivalent about. So I’m truly okay with all I have a go at and none of the insults are meant. Well, apart from those directed at Iain Duncan Smith. He’s a complete cunt.

Dec 29 - Iain Duncan Smith

Farewell from the Sunday Roast.

Cheers.

Nick

Advertisements

Now this one thing that ticks me off …

What, I hear you say … only one thing? Okay, so everything ticks me off, as regular readers to this blog will testify. However, next Sunday, I’m taking a road trip to Wales to see my son in college and I just know, beyond all doubt, I will come across this.

April 20 - Lorry hogging the middle lane.

Yes, bloody great lorries hogging two lanes as one tries to overtake the other at 0.00001 miles per century faster than the vehicle it’s passing.

Arrrgghh! Lorries, they should be banned from anywhere apart from the inside lane. It’s the same with caravans which slow you down. In fact, why not simply ban caravans, full stop? Okay, I technically won’t encounter caravans next weekend as I’m going to North Wales and as we all know, caravans are towed by Volvos and travel to Weston-super-Mare.

But back to these heavy good vehicles. Tell me the point in taking half an hour to overtake another lorry, only for the former one to reciprocate the lunacy two minutes later?

In the winter, I was driving in very bad weather conditions and I came across two of these cretins. Because of the spray, I couldn’t risk passing in the outside lane for ages until I knew it was safe. When I eventually did overtake them, I didn’t see another vehicle for about three miles because they’d held the traffic up so much.

Grrrr!

Another childhood hero goes up in flames.

OMG! Back in January, at a writing group, I did a little piece and reflected on the year of 2012. It was a bit of prose which lamented amongst other things, all those 70s heroes who have now been arrested for messing about with kids. In it, I mentioned that if ever I heard Rolf Harris was involved, I’d abseil naked down the outside of the Walsall Art Gallery without a rope. So … what do you think has happened and who has been named as the latest in the scandal? Yes, you guessed it. Bloody, Rolf Harris.

April 20 - Rolf Harris Swim Video

Innocent till proven, but all those learn to swim videos he made back then ain’t going to help his cause.

Spot the moron.

It seems any idiot can make money, even if you have been found to spout bullshit at the grandest of levels.

April 20 - Andrew Wakefield

Shamed doctor, Andrew Wakefield is seeking to launch a TV career. This is despite sparking a global scare years ago by linking MMR jabs to Autism. I have children on the autistic spectrum. I’m not a doctor but even I know it’s genetic and not caused by the rubbish he says it is. So how is it, even though he is struck off from practicing medicine, he is seemingly allowed to do so in front of a camera? Surely being discredited and banned should mean he is also not allowed to air his views, considering his history.

Amazing. Some US television show hires him to tell people with autism how to cope. Him, whose ideas on autism caused parents not to give their kids vital jabs and therefore put thousands at risk of death.

Banned from practicing medicine? He should be in bloody jail.

Which direction will I find the talent?

Karaoke boyband, One Direction have been immortalised in wax.

No, don’t get your hopes up, the real ones haven’t been dropped in a vat a-la Kenneth Williams where they’ll be screaming, “Frying tonight.”

April 20 - Kenneth Williams Frying Tonight

Unfortunately, the group are the latest to go on display at Madame Tussauds.

April 20 - One Direction Wax Dummies

So, which ones are real and which are wax? Personality taken into consideration, you’d never tell. Even if you stuck 10 instruments in front of them, you wouldn’t know either because despite being a music band, One Direction’s instruments bizarrely play themselves.

Give me strength. I recall the time when only people with talent and mass murderers were allowed into Tussaud’s. What is the world coming to?

Enjoy your Sunday.

I’m off out for a bit. I reckon I’ll take a drive up the motorway and remain in the middle lane, two feet in front of a heavy goods vehicle who wants to overtake.

See, I can be petty, too.

Cheers.

Nick

Keep celebrity meals off the menu.

March 3 - Pasta © David Britt

Look, there’s a picture of a plate with far too much pasta on it …

Arrrggghh!

One of the biggest gripes people have about social networking sites is over folk, friends and family who persistently post what it is they have just had to eat. It’s annoying. We don’t care. However, when you are a celebrity, it seems your entire world falls prey to the media so when somebody like Katie Price tweets that they have had a Sunday Roast (a real one), papers like The Sun (Monday February 25 – page 11) think it’s newsworthy enough to re-tweet it in their scummy paper.

May 6 The Scum

Yes, she’s a celebrity … We still don’t care. Why should we be remotely interested in what some model has just had for tea? Go and do a proper journalistic job and report on a government who discriminates against the disabled, or a Pope who covers up child abuse, or even the fact I witnessed police responding to a call by having to catch a bus (Really … it happened). We’re also not interested in what some failure of a soccer manager has been doing, or if he’s shagging some netball star (Friday – front page of The Sun). We also don’t need to know if some second-rate comedian has been sending smutty texts (Front page, Tuesday) Neither do we don’t want to know what he had for tea, either.

For Christ’s sake, report on the bloody news!

No smoke without fire?

Well, if there is going to be any white papal smoke billowing in the near future, you can be sure it won’t have been ignited by the head of the British Catholic Church. As if religion could be even more discredited, you have the most senior catholic in the UK, Cardinal Keith O’Brien, accused of sex crimes. Amazing, but should we be surprised?

We do need to be careful and not judge people, as most of the church hierarchy do when denouncing homosexuality. However, Keith O’Brien is innocent until proven guilty. Anyway, he won’t be found guilty, his track record of famous friends will stand him in good stead.

March 3 - Cardinal Keith O'Brien with Jimmy Savile

Oh shit!

Which Direction shall I take now? The only One I can.

Karaoke boy-band, One Direction, are furious. Their fans have been fleeced and scammed by bogus con-tricksters who set up ticketing scams.

A bogus company … conning folk? Well, One Direction would know all about that. Pretending to be a music act and misleading the audience into thinking they have any talent while hoping we won’t notice their instruments are mysteriously playing themselves.

June 24 One Direction

Okay, there’s a picture of the darlings, just to please the fans who I’ve just upset.

Rewriting history … Hollywood style.

It was a fun week at the Oscars with Ben Affleck film, Argo, winning three of the awards.

Best picture, best adapted screen play and best editing. Well, they certainly edited the truth.

Once again, the British have been removed from history and painted in a bad light by making out they failed to help a group of Americans during the Iran crisis in 1979. As it happens, we are told in reality, the British Ambassador risked his life to aid the evacuees.

But it’s not the first time, is it?

Braveheart, Saving Private Ryan, then there was U-571. That load of baloney credited the Americans with bravely capturing a submarine, cracking the enigma machine and thus, winning the war. In fact, it was the British who got hold of the thing and the codes were solved by intelligence officers at Bletchley Park.

I saw a small article this week that former Doctor Who, Jon Pertwee and Bond author, Ian Fleming, both worked for Naval Intelligence during the war, training commandos. No doubt if a Hollywood version is ever made, Pertwee and Fleming will be replaced by Errol Flynn and Ken Kesey, and even though the latter was only 10 when the war ended, it wouldn’t stop them.

As for Argo, I know sometimes you have to make a fictional account for artistic purposes, but don’t try to pass it off as being the truth. It’s insulting and embarrassing.

Dishing out justice.

Poor old David Compton of Darwen, Lancashire. Never been in trouble with the law and he gets into some for trying to maintain it.

A young neighbouring 11-year-old yob decided it was funny to pelt Mr Compton’s house with stones. David took exception to this, caught the kid and frogmarched him home to speak with his parents. Now if that were my son, I’d be furious. There is right and there is wrong. Some things you just don’t do. But did this pond-life of a family chastise their son? No, they reported Mr Compton to the police.

I think you can see where the kid learned his moral values from. Justice, eh!

March 3 - Kitchen Scales © Antony N Britt

Yes, I know it looks random but I wanted to insert a symbol of the Scales of British Justice, and these kitchen scales were the only ones I had.

So … what is the future for this Roast?

Going to be starting a new job soon. Can’t do all the hours I imagine I’ll be doing and still keep up my current writing output. Some things will have to go. Don’t know … Perhaps the roast will have to either be drastically reduced in size, or go to once every few weeks. I certainly would like to write more on other stuff as well, so watch this space. Or maybe I could just pad the Roast out with pictures of everything I have eaten all week.

Cheers.

Nick

Dirty Deeds at the Council House.

I’m talking as though this is exclusive to my own town of Walsall, but I guess we are probably not alone.

Jan 13 - Walsall Council

Like many places, Walsall is facing hard times. High levels of unemployment, cuts to council services and most of the shops are shut because it’s too expensive to park in the town. Plus, nobody has any money. Nobody except our ruling councillors, that is.

The greedy sods, elected by the people of Walsall, this week stuck two fingers up to the residents by voting themselves a whopping big pay-rise. This is at the same time that hardworking council staff face their own cutbacks, many of whom have had wage reductions.

Sheriff of Nottingham Walsall, leader Mike Bird gets an increase of £4,500 a year while Sir Guy of Gisborn (deputy Adrian Andrew), gets an astounding £9k rise. Talk about robbing from the poor.

Despite widespread criticism, the ruling Conservative (in it for themselves) party proposed this outrageous motion. It was widely condemned by other groups and had the opposing Labour party not abstained from the vote, it would not have been passed.

Good going, Labour. When elected, you are given a vote in council and you should be duty-bound to use it. Not these useless bunch of cretins. Basically, Labour played their faces, pretended to say they were against the motion, but did not vote against it. They abstained. Now, they too will benefit from the rise. Nice for them. Well done. Two main parties in Walsall. One failed the people due to their own greed, the other failed by doing nothing about it. Which is worse?

And on the big stage …

There’s a big fuss about benefit reform at the minute. Yes, the system does need an overhaul but seeing the likes of Iain Duncan Smith with his holier than thou attitude, makes my skin crawl.

Iain Duncan Smith, a man so bad at his job when leader of the Conservative party a few years back, his own MPs got shot of him. Now he’s there again in a position of power, sending sick people back to work while telling us the poor can survive on £70-per-week. This is the parasite who spent £39 on a breakfast … then claimed it all back in expenses.

June 24 Iain Duncan Smith

Hope he chokes on his hash brown, next time.

Is this really the best headline a national newspaper could find?

There must really have been nothing going on in the news that day.

Jealous lover, Rob Davey shaved his girlfriend’s prized shih-tzu when he thought she’d been lying to him. He has now, rightly been fined heavily and had his punishment. But this … a major headline?

Okay, I know it’s really not funny, but I can’t help laughing at it. Come on, it’s not like the thing was injured. It’s a bloody dog. And why the hell did the paper black the dog’s eyes out; was it to protect its identity? I think you’d know if you saw it shivering in the street while trying to pee up a lamppost.

Still, I must show some sympathy. Imagine having your canine rights infringed like that. What a bad owner. A right little shi-tzu.

Heroes to Zeros …

Now that I’ve got the political tosspots and stupidity out the way, let’s have some music talk.

When I speak of heroes, one of my greatest has to be David Bowie. From my teenage years, I had the lot. Every new release, then collecting the back catalogue, all of them on vinyl. Heck, I even had the Deram stuff complete with the Laughing Gnome.

So it was with great trepidation that I clicked You Tube to listen to Where Are We Now, his first release in ten years. Well, my fears were not unfounded. David, you’ve done bugger all decent since 1983 (bar a couple of tracks here and there), and this is no different. It’s dire.

Jan 13 - David Bowie, Where Are We Now

Now I know the bandwagon are going to be wetting themselves but the guy is fallible, and has been during all the time I speak of. Yeah, I know it’s good to have new stuff. I often criticise those living in the past but in this case, I think I’ll stick to Aladdin Sane and a bit of Cracked Actor.

And another hero … but this one going out with a bang.

I was really saddened to hear about Wilko Johnson and the fact he’s been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. I can listen to those early Dr Feelgood tracks and still want to lose myself in the intoxication of jumping around the room. I finally saw him and his band a couple of years ago and it was some experience. Wilko has opted not to have any treatment but while he is still able, plans to do a farewell tour this year.

Jan 13 - Wilko Johnson

Don’t know if I could go. Bit emotional and I’m sure there are fans far more devoted than me who deserve the tickets to see him play. But … what an performer.

And scraping the bottom of the barrel of music …

A few weeks ago I reported that One Direction karaoke singer, Harry Styles, was dating the beautiful Taylor Swift. Well, it now seems old Harry has blown it and he and Taylor have split up.

What a plonker. I mean, who would want to blow Taylor Swift?

Jan 13 - Taylor Swift

Don’t answer that.

Farewell for this week …

I’m off to register myself as standing to be a local councilor. Don’t want the job but at least this time next year, I can award myself a massive pay rise after doing bugger all to deserve one.

Cheers.

 

Nick

The end of the world is nigh.

Dec 16 End of the World

Well it is if you follow the Mayan calendar. Apparently, next Friday, the world will come to an end because this is the date the Mayans foretold it would. I wouldn’t worry too much, they didn’t stop their own downfall coming so why should they have got this right. If they were that clever all those thousands of years ago, they’d have been working on space flight to get out the place pretty damn quick.

As I have said before, there is a possible explanation why their calendar ends 21 December 2012. Maybe they simply ran out of paper.

And if the world is going to end …

Is there any point in me going to see The Hobbit if I’ll never get a chance to see the other two films?

Dec 16 The Hobbit

Yes, I still can’t get over that one. The Hobbit is being made into three films. I loved Lord of the Rings. I’d waited years for such a fantastic version to be made and I could quite accept it being in three parts. But The Hobbit? Talk about milking an audience. I thought splitting Harry Potter into two was needless but Hobbit is only a couple of hundred pages long.

Am I being a grump when my first reaction to three films over three years was, ‘Oh Christ, do we have to do this again?’

So if I’m not going to watch The Hobbit due to the world ending, I’ll throw a pop concert instead.

And first on the bill will have to be Morrissey, mainly because he’s so blooming dull and pointless, it won’t matter that he’s the opening act. Nobody will mind as they’ll all be in the bar.

Dec 16 Morrissey

Morrissey, former front-man with The Smiths and singer of droning crap lyrics, made an astonishing rant this week. When speaking about the death of nurse Jacintha Salhanda, the woman who killed herself over the backfired Duchess of Cambridge radio prank, Morrissey blamed, not the Aussie DJs, but the Duchess herself. Makes a change. Didn’t the prat always sing we should Hang the DJs?

Morrissey questioned if the Duchess really was ill and it was her fault for being in hospital in the first place. The guy really is a moron. Not only that, he has caused me to defend the bloody royal family for the second time in two weeks. Grrrr!

Oh, let’s get the irritating ones out the way next.

I read this week that there was a plot to kidnap Justin Bieber and castrate him.

Noooooo! Do we need the little twerp to be able to sing in an even higher-pitched squeaky voice?

Dec 16 Justin Bieber

Yes, Justin, you do still have two. Maybe they’ll drop in a few years when you hit puberty.

Okay, so not only in this roast have I stuck up for the royal family again, I have Google-searched Justin Bieber. I’m going to have to delete my browsing history.

Which direction shall we take now?

Feb 26 One Direction

It’s going to be One Direction, here looking ridiculous in romper suits. Recently, band member Harry Styles has courted controversy by dating Taylor Swift. Apparently, their relationship has been likened to that of Yoko Ono when she gatecrashed the Beatles.

No. No, no, no, no no!

Difference: Taylor Swift has talent and is gorgeous. Yoko Ono just wailed into a microphone and looked like a … Okay, I won’t say it. Also, the Beatles are the biggest music act in history. One Direction (or 1D as they are trendily called) are a karaoke boy-band and one of a current breed of generic bags of shite whose instruments always appear to play themselves.

Now I mentioned the Beatles just then …

The music world was rocked this week when Paul McCartney teamed up with the remaining members of Nirvana. I’ve never known such an outcry. The horror of it. Saying that, all he did was jam on stage with Dave (God) Grohl, Krist Novoselic and Pat Smear.

Dec 16 Nirvana & McCartney

However for their next collaboration … a fresh recording of Smells Like Teen Spirit.

I feel stupid and contagious. Here we are now, entertain us. Yeah, yeah, yeah!

And the headline act – direct from a train journey to Potters Bar.

80s Pop star, Kim Wilde was a little worse for wear when she boarded a train with brother Ricky after a boozy Christmas party. However, what I wouldn’t have given to have been a passenger and witness her slurring rendition of Kids in America.

Dec 16 Kim Wilde Train

Kim, your other early hit was You Keep Me Hanging On. Back in 1981, you kept this young teen of the time, hanging onto parts of his anatomy while looking at a poster of you taken out of Smash Hits Magazine. And for that, I thank you. Merry Christmas, Kim. Grow old disgracefully, that’s what I say. Rock & Roll.

But back to the impending doom.

So … If the world really is about to end, does that mean I don’t have to struggle with my Christmas tree? Yay! Okay, probably not a good reason to be thankful for the end of the world, but what should I do if it does look like it’s going to go bang? I know, I’ll dig out an old copy of Smash Hits and relive one or two happy childhood memories.

Dec 16 Kim WIlde

Cheers.

Nick

Holding a torch

After much deliberation, I thought I’d go and watch the Olympic Torch journey through my little town. Actually, I didn’t go into Walsall as the convoy passed very near to my son’s school fete and I thought, if I’m parked up – why not? Therefore, ignoring all the crowds and celebrations laid on in the town centre, I made camp along the A34 near the corner of Irvine Road by the 22A bus stop.

Uplifting experience? Yes, you guessed it. This miserable bastard was totally underwhelmed. It’s not my fault. I’m not even remotely interested in the Olympics. As I’ve said before, too many small organisations lost funding because of it and had to fold.

New game – Kick five balls through all five rings and you get to keep the Tower of London.

After waiting an inconvenient five minutes, I heard cheering and thought, Hey, here it comes. No. That was the preamble, namely the obligatory and blatant advertising as buses drove by promoting gut-rotting cola and some company that makes Galaxy phones. Ha … No free advertising here.

Well, the commercial break came and went, carrying it’s smiling teen cheerleaders further down the road and then another five minutes, we had the main spectacular event.

Now when I say spectacular, what I cannot put into this transcript is the immense layers of sarcasm. You see, immediately prior to the passing of the torch, the ecstatic hordes waiting, were not so much lining the road, as encroaching. Still, in the distance, I saw loads of blue flashing lights. The police would sort it – wouldn’t they? However, the solution was not one of controlled health and safety, but an old guy on a pushbike telling everybody to get back on the pavement.

Still, the torch arrived, and I even saw a handover. As it disappeared into the distance, I then heard further clapping as running behind in convoy, were about thirty police officers on foot, joining in the parade. People cheered. Some even jeered, but my main thought was, wouldn’t it have been better for them lot to run in front and move the spilling crowds back and not leave it to some old guy on a bike?

I’m never happy, am I? Seriously, though. Well done to all the officials involved and the people of Walsall for making this a success.

Football’s coming home?

Well, the English team are, yet again – predictably.

Yes, we have the usual hopes, the usual result, and the usual awful penalty misses. Actually, people are slamming England’s poor performance against Italy but they’ve forgotten one thing. Italy were bloody brilliant.

Still, what do the English people expect? Millions of fans glory hunt and share their support between five or six clubs. These clubs, bankrolled by billionaires, are filled with foreign players at the expense of home grown talent so our lads never get a look in. The supporters show passionate loyalty from the comfort of their armchairs and cheer on the same guys who are knocking our national team out of major tournaments on a regular basis. The English vilify our own players yet come September, when the new season starts, they’ll be wetting themselves when the top Euro stars start kicking a ball again on our own turf.

Still, you have to feel sorry for the England lads. It was hard. I mean … kicking a large ball twelve yards into a huge fucking net with only one man in the way. It’s near impossible.

Above we see serial diver, Ashley Young, guilty party for the first miss. Mind you, better than James Milner. He spent the entire tournament crossing the ball to an the invisible man at the other side of the field. A player only he could see.

Anyone for tennis, then?

Andy Murray, apparently plans to spend as much time away from Wimbledon this year in a cunning plan to win the tournament. Funny, I thought that was the usual tactic of us Brits at Wimbledon. We always spend loads of time away from the place. Namely when we’re knocked out in the first week.

Apparently, Murray thinks keeping his distance will make him relax and remove the pressure. No, Andy. The pressure will be off until, as usual, like Tim Henman and Greg Rusedski before you, you get within a shot of actually making the final then bloody bottle it at the last minute when it matters.

There. Gauntlet thrown. Now go and bloody prove me wrong.

What’s that coming over hill, is it a monster?

This has to be the most bizarre and ludicrous thing I have heard in many a year. Children in schools in Louisiana are being taught that God really does exist as dinosaurs still walk the earth. Their proof – The Loch Ness Monster.

Yes, creationist lunatics are getting away with brainwashing folk’s poor unsuspecting offspring by saying Nessie, the massive hoax that Scotland’s tourist industry has lived off for 80 years, is real.

Arrrgghhh! I’ve seen it all now. A mythical creature of fantasy being used to prove another creature of pure fantasy (God) exists.

Teaching kids bullshit like that … It’s not education, it’s child abuse.

What about a winning formula?

Apparently, Formula One chiefs are proposing to stage a Grand Prix through Central London. If plans go ahead, you could soon see Lewis Hamilton, Jensen Button and the rest, all racing through the capital. We are told, roads would be closed, obviously. However, why obviously? Since the advent of congestion charging, nobody can afford to drive through Central London, anyway. You wouldn’t need to close the roads; there’s nothing on them.

That’s about the only mode of transport you see traveling freely through Central London, these days who don’t have to pay congestion charges. Ask them to, and they exterminate you.

Thieves and Looters.

If I cost my company, millions, I’d expect the sack but the likes of Bob Diamond, head of fraudulent bank, Barclays, is adamant he is staying put. I know where I’d like to put him and his ilk of short-selling speculating greedy bastards – on a deserted island. That is after we’d seized back their cars, houses, money and all other ill-gotten gains.

Save our ears.

Apparently, The Voice live tour has been canceled due to lack of interest. The Voice, is yet another banal karaoke style TV talent show, full of generic wannabees singing other peoples songs. They were due to go on tour but poor ticket sales meant the shows had to be called off. Great. Now can we get rid of the TV show too?

Singer Jessie J says scrapping the tour will mean the acts can now “spread their wings” and find their own direction. Yes, Jessie. Straight to oblivion. Actually, I don’t know about finding their own direction … what about finding One Direction. The boy band from The Voice’s rival ITV show, X-Factor, seem to be doing rather well. They could give this lot from The Voice some tips.

But back to that torch …

Well, not the torch, but the day. Boy, was it tiring. That flame event, the fete, shopping in town (twice). No wonder I was knackered. Sitting writing this … do you think it’s safe to say you’ve had a long day when you then spend five minutes trying to locate the source of the steady drip, drip, drip noise you can hear, only to find out after looking, it was just the sound of your own watch ticking?

Cheers.

Nick

%d bloggers like this: