Tag Archive: Merry Hill


The good old days …

May 19 - The Good Old Days

Nooooo! Not that Good Old Days!

It’s time for another trip down memory lane and a delve into the archives of the old Myspace Sunday Roasts. Or another way of putting it, I have bugger all to write about this week.

I still curse at Myspace as it has been painful for a long time to log on and revisit my old hunting ground. This matter was compounded even more, recently. You see, not only have Myspace deleted many of the pictures on my old blogs, all the lovely comments by my readers have been removed, now.

And they expect me to sign up for the new updated Myspace? No thanks.

June 10 Myspace sucks

Therefore …

My bit for recycling (Originally posted 16 November 2008)

No, I’m not referring to recycling my old roasts, but an actual piece on helping the environment, as of five years ago.

February 24 - Recycle Logo

I’m always one for trying to save the environment, and I do my bit. Recyle. However, I wonder how efficient my energy saving efforts are. I had a foil tin which had contained a meal with cheese. Well, while washing up, I suddenly realised I’d spent over two minutes trying to clean this for recycling by running the hot tap water on it, thus burning my gas in heating the water. I also wasted about two litres of the water into the bargain. So how is that a saving?

Still, I did come across a new environment friendly thing the other day. A pen made from recycled car parts. Lets just hope it wasn’t recycled from a Renault because if a spring goes, it will cost £50 to replace and you’ll have to wait three weeks for the parts to be shipped from France.

Hmm, Pens made from recycled car parts … I wonder if you have a pen made from a 4×4, does it guzzles the ink faster? And would one made from a Rover 75 write slower than any other pen you have ever used in your life? What about biros made from old Volvo’s; are they able to tow a caravan? And finally, would those made from a Vauxhall Vectra have loads of little switches which seem to have a mind of their own and only work when they want to?

And this still happens five years on … (Originally posted 16 November 2008)

I am reminded of a quick emergency trip I made to Asda the other day (Walmart, as some of you over the stream may call it) .

Now why is it, when you go into Asda and only purchase two packets of ‘Weight Watchers Creamy Chicken with Mushrooms’ for £3, are you asked by the checkout person, ‘Would you like any help with your packing?’

However, when you are there after spending £200 which is crammed into two full trolleys, both with dodgy wheels which keep locking and you have three kids running around, all piling sweets into said trolleys (that you specifically told them not to), and you have to scream at them to stop sliding on the polished floor, or pushing the public address system button while screaming ‘Scooby Dooby Doooo!’ to the entire store, are you left by the formerly helpful checkout person to pack all the bloody stuff yourself?

And don’t even get me started on self-scan tills. Only I could have an argument with a machine.

May 19 - Checkout

Automated checkouts. This one was on a lunch break.

And now for the paranormal … (Originally posted 30 November 2008)

I have never been one to believe in UFOs. Surprising when you consider my experience the paranormal with ghosts and stuff. However, I heard a story on the news that a place very close to myself has some of the most convincing UFO accounts in the UK. I did a little research and found out that West Bromwich and surrounding area has had more than its fair share, one of which goes back to 1979.

According to the British UFO Research Association, a woman reported an egg-shaped object about eight feet long which had flown down and landed in her garden. The association also say, the object left prominent ground traces which were subsequently photographed and measured. The woman then found that her eyesight was adversely affected and her general well-being was so disturbed, her GP advised her to stay off work for a fortnight. Typical Black Country excuses. Anything for a week or two on the sick. Apparently, after a short stay in her garden, the ship took off again and hovered before shooting off west and heading towards Dudley. It was obvious the aliens were aware the Merry Hill Centre had late opening hours and they wanted to do a bit of shopping.

May 19 - Close Encounters

UFO landing outside Primark.

Those accounts were from the UFO archives. However, at the time of writing the piece, my team, West Bromwich Albion were bottom of the Premier League and got relegated that year. So, therefore from 2008 …

A police helicopter flying at 1500ft over West Bromwich came across a UFO when they had a near miss and almost collided with the bugger. However, looking deeper, I found more sightings in which two separate witnesses, again in West Bromwich, observed “White round balls of light close together which came out of the sky, floated, then disappearied.’

Ahhh, it began to make sense. West Bromwich. You see, West Bromwich Albion hadn’t scored many goals at that time. Most shots were wide of the mark and blasted miles out of the ground

Bloody UFOs, my arse! It’s that team and their inability to put a round ball into the back of a massive net. In fact, the blooming things are still traveling, now.

May 19 - Kanu Miss 2004

Above, we have a prime example and the Kanu open goal fluff from 2004. One foot out, he managed to balloon the ball over the bar where it was then lost, but later found by Mulder and Scully.

May 19 - Mulder and Scully

So, that wraps up the nostalgia for today.

Hopefully by next week, something will have happened for me to write about. Till then …

Cheers.

Nick

Ode to my valentine …

I felt as if a weight had been lifted off me on Thursday as this was the first Valentine’s Day since 1986 where I didn’t have to buy one. I’d like to say I didn’t receive anything, either, but the cute bear which greeted me on my doorstep will testify, otherwise.

Feb 17 - Cute Bear © Antony N Britt

There he is, warm now after shivering whilst being left in a freezing porch all night. It wouldn’t be too bad and I’d be mildly curious were it not for the fact my cleaning appeared to have been done while I was out and a note left with tips as to which items of clothing somebody thought I should no longer wear and perhaps donate to charity.

Okay, I may have made that last bit up and you will be wondering if Nick, here, has gone soft by speaking nicely about Valentine’s Day. You know, what with his views on Christmas (Bah Humbug!) and other moans. Perhaps, you are thinking, he’s a softy when it comes to matters of the heart?

Well you’d be wrong!

Valentine’s Day. Pah! Load of marketing nonsense by the retailers yet again to get us to part with money we haven’t got. February 14! Why the hell can’t every day be special if you are with somebody you love? I’m just thankful I’ve had a year off. Restaurants double their prices, chocolates are two for the price of three and shareholders in Ann Summer’s shops receive massive dividends.

Still, there are nice gifts to be had … all for the ladies, of course. Cuddly toys, sexy lingerie, perfume, jewellery, the list goes on. You go into an Ann Summer’s shop and what is on offer for men to slip seductively into?

Feb 17 - Novelty Elephant Thong

Before you ask … no, I didn’t model it.

Now some men don’t even like venturing into these shops. Never bothered me in the past, although it did usually get a little awkward when you cannot switch off one or ten vibrators which are hopping around on the shelves because you started messing with them whilst bored when your girlfriend was in the changing room trying on a nice matching two-piece set. Yes … it happened.

And even if the standard range of gifts doesn’t take your fancy, you can always dice with death and buy your loved one a deep fat fryer. In fact, all sorts of kitchen implements may suffice though I’d stay away from the knife sets.

Bath stuff … yes, that too. The girls love it. But what, apart from safari themed g-strings and the obligatory bottle of Blue Stratos, is there for men to receive?

Know what I was once given, as an example of what there is out there for us guys on Valentine’s Day?

Feb 17 - Nasal Hair Remover

A bloody nasal hair remover!

And on the Direct Gov job site this week …

7.5t driver req

Yes, Mr Tyre Ltd, is advertising for a seven and a half ton driver. Let’s hope the suspension on his vehicle will take the strain.

Prank of the Week.

This happened on an American TV network when hackers hijacked the system and broadcast a phony news report about Zombies attacking the neighborhood.

Feb 17 - Dawn of the Dead

Yes, remember that one? It was Dawn of the Dead where decaying corpses spent their days shopping for fashion accessories in the mall. And some people actually believed this was happening for real as a result of the fake broadcast and thus, called the cops.

Ridiculous, as is the prospect of brain-dead folk wandering around a shopping centre.

Having said that, I haven’t been to Westfield Merry Hill, lately.

What is Idiot Duncan Smith going on about now?

Our Welfare and Pensions Secretary was aggrieved this week when a young woman, Cait Reilly, won a landmark case which likened her working for free in Poundland, to that of being a slave. What? The audacity. Fancy her wanting money.

I agree, in principle to doing work for benefits but Poundland is a private company and they’re getting something for nothing. It wouldn’t be so bad if there was useful training and a decent job at the end of it … but Poundland!

Iain Duncan Smith says the slavery jibe was a slur and an insult to people living in oppression. Yes, that would be us under you, Iain, and the rest of your in it for themselves, Tory leeches. Insulting? What I find insulting is a millionaire politician telling people on £71 a week jobseekers allowance that they have enough to live on and they should stop moaning.

Ring any bells, Iain?

Feb 17 - Iain Duncan Smith

Iain Duncan Smith – The day he went to see how poor people live.

And similarly …

Bungling bank, RBS are to give their greedy fat cat chief another bonus.

Feb 17 - Stephen Hester

Yes, there’s Stephen Hester, waiting for his tin of Whiskers Supermeat.

Last year, public pressure forced Stephen to decline his near £1million bonus through gritted teeth. Well, he’s at it again. This time it’s only a paltry £780,000.

The bankers, they really don’t understand it. Nothing more than crooks, the lot of them. Muggers and looters, only this lot hide behind spreadsheets and a suit.

So Hester reckons he deserves his bonus while lesser paid staff at the bank have their money cut to pay for the Libor fine imposed as a result of high-ups in the bank rigging the lending rate.

Nationalise the banks and let them do what they are meant to do – provide a service for the people, not make the rich, richer.

Not such a Dappy chappy, now?

Dappy, the {C}Rap singer of alleged pop group, N-Dubz, walked free from court this week despite being found guilty of a serious assault. Funnily, his two (non-famous) co-defendants were jailed for over a year each after they did the pop ponce’s bidding by beating up some people at a petrol station.

So two unknowns are sent down while the famous one is let off with a slap on the wrist. Amazing what being a star does for you in terms of getting away with things. No doubt it will be the chat shows next, filled with his ugly mug on how he is so misunderstood.

Aww … Bless.

Feb 17 - Dappy

Dappy. Calling him a music star is simply a contradiction in terms.

I was just thinking …

I mentioned it in jest earlier on, but can you even get Blue Stratos these days, or am I showing my age?

Cheers.

Nick

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