Tag Archive: West Bromwich

The good old days …

May 19 - The Good Old Days

Nooooo! Not that Good Old Days!

It’s time for another trip down memory lane and a delve into the archives of the old Myspace Sunday Roasts. Or another way of putting it, I have bugger all to write about this week.

I still curse at Myspace as it has been painful for a long time to log on and revisit my old hunting ground. This matter was compounded even more, recently. You see, not only have Myspace deleted many of the pictures on my old blogs, all the lovely comments by my readers have been removed, now.

And they expect me to sign up for the new updated Myspace? No thanks.

June 10 Myspace sucks

Therefore …

My bit for recycling (Originally posted 16 November 2008)

No, I’m not referring to recycling my old roasts, but an actual piece on helping the environment, as of five years ago.

February 24 - Recycle Logo

I’m always one for trying to save the environment, and I do my bit. Recyle. However, I wonder how efficient my energy saving efforts are. I had a foil tin which had contained a meal with cheese. Well, while washing up, I suddenly realised I’d spent over two minutes trying to clean this for recycling by running the hot tap water on it, thus burning my gas in heating the water. I also wasted about two litres of the water into the bargain. So how is that a saving?

Still, I did come across a new environment friendly thing the other day. A pen made from recycled car parts. Lets just hope it wasn’t recycled from a Renault because if a spring goes, it will cost £50 to replace and you’ll have to wait three weeks for the parts to be shipped from France.

Hmm, Pens made from recycled car parts … I wonder if you have a pen made from a 4×4, does it guzzles the ink faster? And would one made from a Rover 75 write slower than any other pen you have ever used in your life? What about biros made from old Volvo’s; are they able to tow a caravan? And finally, would those made from a Vauxhall Vectra have loads of little switches which seem to have a mind of their own and only work when they want to?

And this still happens five years on … (Originally posted 16 November 2008)

I am reminded of a quick emergency trip I made to Asda the other day (Walmart, as some of you over the stream may call it) .

Now why is it, when you go into Asda and only purchase two packets of ‘Weight Watchers Creamy Chicken with Mushrooms’ for £3, are you asked by the checkout person, ‘Would you like any help with your packing?’

However, when you are there after spending £200 which is crammed into two full trolleys, both with dodgy wheels which keep locking and you have three kids running around, all piling sweets into said trolleys (that you specifically told them not to), and you have to scream at them to stop sliding on the polished floor, or pushing the public address system button while screaming ‘Scooby Dooby Doooo!’ to the entire store, are you left by the formerly helpful checkout person to pack all the bloody stuff yourself?

And don’t even get me started on self-scan tills. Only I could have an argument with a machine.

May 19 - Checkout

Automated checkouts. This one was on a lunch break.

And now for the paranormal … (Originally posted 30 November 2008)

I have never been one to believe in UFOs. Surprising when you consider my experience the paranormal with ghosts and stuff. However, I heard a story on the news that a place very close to myself has some of the most convincing UFO accounts in the UK. I did a little research and found out that West Bromwich and surrounding area has had more than its fair share, one of which goes back to 1979.

According to the British UFO Research Association, a woman reported an egg-shaped object about eight feet long which had flown down and landed in her garden. The association also say, the object left prominent ground traces which were subsequently photographed and measured. The woman then found that her eyesight was adversely affected and her general well-being was so disturbed, her GP advised her to stay off work for a fortnight. Typical Black Country excuses. Anything for a week or two on the sick. Apparently, after a short stay in her garden, the ship took off again and hovered before shooting off west and heading towards Dudley. It was obvious the aliens were aware the Merry Hill Centre had late opening hours and they wanted to do a bit of shopping.

May 19 - Close Encounters

UFO landing outside Primark.

Those accounts were from the UFO archives. However, at the time of writing the piece, my team, West Bromwich Albion were bottom of the Premier League and got relegated that year. So, therefore from 2008 …

A police helicopter flying at 1500ft over West Bromwich came across a UFO when they had a near miss and almost collided with the bugger. However, looking deeper, I found more sightings in which two separate witnesses, again in West Bromwich, observed “White round balls of light close together which came out of the sky, floated, then disappearied.’

Ahhh, it began to make sense. West Bromwich. You see, West Bromwich Albion hadn’t scored many goals at that time. Most shots were wide of the mark and blasted miles out of the ground

Bloody UFOs, my arse! It’s that team and their inability to put a round ball into the back of a massive net. In fact, the blooming things are still traveling, now.

May 19 - Kanu Miss 2004

Above, we have a prime example and the Kanu open goal fluff from 2004. One foot out, he managed to balloon the ball over the bar where it was then lost, but later found by Mulder and Scully.

May 19 - Mulder and Scully

So, that wraps up the nostalgia for today.

Hopefully by next week, something will have happened for me to write about. Till then …



Happy Birthday to this site

Feb 3 - Badge

I didn’t realise the website was a year old until writing this roast.

My God, that’s one whole year of opinionated crap, Titanic film jokes and people with bad teeth from the Jeremy Kyle show.

I do have to say though, all the best to Jeremy in his battle against cancer. Let’s face it, without that show I’d have had far fewer visitors in the past year. Still, I am sticking to my New Year promise of no more poking fun at the dentally challenged from the show. However, even into February, it still remains the number one search engine term used to bring traffic to me.

Jeremy Kyle, Jeremy Kyle teeth, Jeremy Kyle bad teeth and even … Ugly people with teeth on Jeremy Kyle.


Get better soon, Jezza … as they say in the Black Country.

And talking of the Black Country …

Yes, that is where I come from. A right old run-down area in the Midlands which is called the Black Country because of the coal seam most of the land lies upon.

I know over the past year, I have taken several (modest estimation here) swipes at my local town, Walsall for being depressed and going to pot. Well, this has taken years of hard work by local businesses and the council to achieve and I was treated on Friday to a taste of what Walsall has been aspiring to in all this time – neighbouring West Bromwich.

Once a nice little shopping centre, for years West Bromwich has been nothing more than tatty pound-shops, tacky market stalls and empty premises. It is, basically – a hole.

Well, undeterred, Walsall saw West Bromwich as a shining light and have tried, with much success, to emulate it.

As I say, on Friday, I had the delight of going to West Bromwich and found nothing had changed since my last visit. You still feel as if you need to wash your hands on the way out and I did wonder if my car would be there when I returned to it. It was, thankfully, intact. I saw it in the distance as I listened to the piped music in the car park. Then I stopped. Puzzled. Music in the bloody car park … why?

Feb 3 - Music in Car Park

Apologies for the picture, I have a rubbish camera on my phone.

Anyway, I approached my car and saw the speaker. It was blasting Karma Chameleon, distorted at full volume above the bonnet my Ford Focus. Can anybody offer an explanation? I don’t go to West Bromwich very much for a number of reasons but certainly not to listen to music in a filthy car park. I’m much too concerned with getting back to my vehicle before I get mugged.

Still, even though I had to spend two hours there, at 80p to park, it was good value … and at least my car was kept entertained by the music. Stopped it from getting bored.

And still in the suburb of West Bromwich …

West Bromwich Albion is actually the team I support. All my life I’ve had to suffer ridicule and abuse because basically, we’ve been shit. But no more. For the past couple of years, not a bad little team has been assembled at the Hawthorns and for the first time in over 30 years, they can lay claim to be the top team in the region.

With this in mind, you’d think players would be clamouring to be at the club. Not so, Peter Odemwinge.

The want-away striker hoped to further his career by engineering a deadline-day move to … er, bottom of the table, Queens Park Rangers. He says it was ambition and nothing to do with the huge salary on offer. Anyway, refused permission by his club, he took it upon himself to drive down to London and force his way through the door. He was, quite rightly, refused.

Cue the eggs, see the target.

Feb 3 - Peter Odemwinge with Egg on his face

Peter Odemwinge with egg on his face.

Therefore, poor old Peter had to drive back home with his tail between his legs, knowing he has to face his team mates … and the fans, who all know he has stuck two-fingers up at a club who took him in and turned his career around. Good on West Brom for not bowing to him and any other overpaid Charlie.

As for Queens Park Rangers … That name should have an apostrophe in it. Queen’s. It was named after Queen’s Park, not a collective group of queens who happened to have a picnic in the park one day.

The latest thing for Twits to play with.

Mobile phone app, Vine, lets you share six-second video clips on Twitter, apparently.

Feb 3 - Twitter Vine

Six seconds! I wonder if it’s going to be like You Tube? Six seconds of crap video after having to watch a thirty second advertisement.

And the worry by watchdogs is that it will be simply used to spread porn and people will be posting clips of themselves having sex.

Come on … six seconds! Who in this country really only lasts six seconds having sex, apart from those living in … (Last piece edited out when I realised I know somebody who lives there).

You have just been Captcha’d.

As I have been saying, it is the first anniversary of starting on WordPress. I think I made the right choice in defecting from the now useless, Myspace, but do you want to know the real reason I chose WordPress, and not Blogger?

This …

Dec 16 Captcha2

Yes, those bloody irritating Captcha requests.

Don’t you just find them tedious? You can imagine the smarmy voice. ‘Please prove to us you’re not a robot.’

Arrrgghhh! Fuck off! I mean, what the hell is the one above supposed to be? Eatywipt3 or something. What the bloody hell is an eatywipt? They’re just making it up.

Then there’s this one:

Dec 16 Captcha

What? For f….’s sake! So now you people who use Blogger and read me, know why it is I don’t often reciprocate and comment back. I’d love to but I can’t bloody do so without a degree in Mensa and a liking for doing the cryptic crossword. I mean, what do you think that second one is? Sort of, er … Drainpipe, wall of housey ntcyone. It makes no blooming sense.

There, rant over. Mind you, I suppose I could introduce it myself. How about this one to type in before making a comment?

                      Feb 3 - Iain Duncan Smith                Feb 3 - Is a Cock

Yes, childish, I know. But wouldn’t it be funny to get everybody to type that Iain Duncan Smith is one?



The Sunday Roast (12 February 2012)

I’m back and roasting away on a Sunday.

The furnishings may be different but targets remain the same. Here I take a sideways look at life and have the odd swipe at anything I deem fair game. For those who never saw the old Myspace blog – I hope you stick around now you’ve found me.

I am really happy with the new site but have to admit, it did take me a while with my technophobia, to get to grips with setting it up.

One of the things I found interesting was the WordPress tutorials and the constant references to napkins. Yes … I can see your puzzled expressions but I kept getting advice to write all of my ideas on the back of a napkin. Why? Wouldn’t a word document (seeing as I’m already on the computer) do the job just as well?

Napkins? Do WordPress have stakes in a party supplies firm that went badly wrong and they now need to get rid of all their stock?

Let the bulldozers roll!

It was sad to see pictures of West Bromwich Police Station waiting to be demolished. Sad mainly because of the activity during the preceding twelve months prior to its demise where management authorised decorations to cells, new signs on the front of the building, new shelving in stores, numerous other alterations and just about every department moving from one office to another in a bizarre game of musical chairs. All this in a place imminent to be bulldozed.

For the past three years, staff have worked tirelessly and with great professionalism while under the threat of job losses yet despite huge cuts, money was still wasted on a station with no future.

Organisations like the police need leaders with a vision for the bigger picture in a long term way. Unfortunately we appear to have those in charge who only see as far as the latest office makeover.

Nob of the week.

Quite astonishing has been the rant between comedian Sarah Millican and some of her fans. While performing at the Wolverhampton Civic, Ms Millican engaged in banter with the audience over filming on mobile phones. This seemed to be light-hearted until the row continued on a social networking site with Millican wanting recordings deleted, stating those filming were not welcome at any future concerts.

What planet is she on? Does she not realise without her fans, she is nothing. I will certainly look at her in a different light next time her whining voice is thrust upon me from the television.

She accused those responsible of partaking in nothing short of theft. Hmmmm. Got a new DVD you want to flog Sarah?

I kind of go with the thinking that if people are willing to shell out £20 to come and see you perform, it’s a bit of an own-goal to start slagging them off afterward.

An interesting phone call I took just now.

‘Could I speak to Mr Bright?’ a man with a very hard-to-follow accent, asked from the other end the line.

‘It’s Britt,’ I said.

‘Mr Bright?’


A long pause ensued until finally, the caller spoke again. ‘Mr Bright … I am ringing about a threat to your computer?’

‘Oh yes; go on.’

‘We have been monitoring and it seems your system has become infected.’

Oh Christ, it’s a Sunday, I don’t want cold-callers on a Sunday. ‘Let me stop you right there. There are no threats on my system, I am fully protected and there is no way, unless you have my IP address, that you could know about my system. In fact, the only threat to my system at the present, would appear to be you.’

Cold Caller was undeterred and continued with his spiel until I said I wasn’t interested in anything he was trying to sell.

‘I am not trying to sell you anything,’ Cold Caller said.

‘Then why are you ringing about an infection on my computer?’

‘I haven’t said anything about your computer.’

‘Yes you have, it was your opening line.’

He tried to continue but I’d entered “rant mode” by now. ‘Look, I’m not interested. You’re a scam trying to hack into my computer and if you are a genuine company, give me your business name.’

He did. He said it was ‘Pitt.com.’ I thought I’d check them up later so I asked for his phone number too and he gave me a number that despite him claiming to be calling from America, coincidentally matched my own home line apart from the last digit.

‘You think I’m stupid don’t you,’ I stated. I asked for his name.

‘It’s Pitt,’ he says. ‘P-I-T-T.’

‘And your first name?’

‘Brad. B-R-A-D.’

‘Brad Pitt? You are having a laugh now.’

He claimed he wasn’t but I’d lost it by then. I said as it happened, it was me who was making the joke. I had no intention of doing business and I was just keeping him talking to pump his company phone bill higher and as long as he wouldn’t hang up, I wouldn’t either.

‘You are very funny,’ he said. ‘Ha ha haaa!. Ha ha ha ha haaa! Can you hear me laughing? Ha ha ha ha haaa! Ha ha haaa! Ha ha haaa! Ha ha ha ha haaa …’

Five minutes later.

‘Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha …’

‘Look, I’m going to stop you there,’ I said. ‘Bored now. I don’t know why you won’t go away but it’s your phone bill. However, I need to go somewhere for a minute, therefore I’m going to have to put you on hold.’

I stuck the phone by my computer speaker, clicked the media player and started playing Queen. And I left him. I’ve made a cup of tea and he’s halfway through ‘Headlong’ now. Think I should see if he’s still there?

Load of scrap.

There they go again. ‘Scrap Ironnnnn!’

There wasn’t any here when you passed half an hour ago so why do you think they’ll be some when you come round again now? The amount of time your dulcet tones invade my ears these days, I’m guessing the scrap reserves will be all tied up in the next few days.

Anyway …

That wraps up my first Roast in the new home so I hope you’ll join me again. I’m off to see if Cold Caller wants to listen to ‘Night at the Opera’ next.



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