Tag Archive: Chelsea

It’s been snow joke trying to walk into town this week.

But finally, the white stuff has all but gone. What I want to know is, how come every road in the borough appeared to have seen a sprinkle of rock salt at some point or other … except mine, that is.

Jan 27 - Snow in Walsall © Antony N Britt

That was after five days and no sign of it being cleared. Hmm … Do you think it might have a little to do with my recent criticism towards the local council? You know, the sort of thing I wrote in this blog, plus about every other Walsall blog, and finally, in a letter to my local paper where I accused the council leader of having a God Complex and failing the people who elected him.

Come on, the letter wasn’t that scathing in the end. I mean, they edited out, sycophantic wankers and total greedy bastards, so I really don’t see the reason for not clearing the snow from my road.

I didn’t mind. The exercise in walking into town did me good. I must have burned numerous calories on my way to get my Full English Breakfast, the other day.

As for the snow, I built my first snowman for nearly 40 years, last Sunday. I thought he’d stop my nosy neighbours peering through the non-existent fence they can’t be bothered to replace.

Jan 27 - Doctor Who Snowman © Antony N Britt

Come into my garden (ha ha!) and I’ll give you nightmares for a week.

And talking of snowmen …

Silliest headline of the week was this one in the Daily Mirror.

Jan 27 - Build a Snowman

Yes, agencies worried about flooding caused by melting snow advised us all to build snowmen.

Really? I’m kind of guessing there wasn’t much going on in the news that day.

A Hazardous game – football.

Football was overshadowed this week by a new sport called, Let’s kick the ball-boy.

Yes, 0-2 down to Swansea and with ten minutes to go, Chelsea player, Eden Hazard tried to retrieve the ball to speed the game up. However, he didn’t reckon on coming into conflict with head-case ball-boy, Charlie Morgan.

January 27 - Hazard

Spoilt brat, Charlie, son of a Swansea City director, reacted first in trying to get to the ball. It was ironic. You see, it was the fastest any of the biased home-based ball boys had moved all night in their attempts to stall for time and basically – cheat.

Charlie was no exception. Instead of simply picking up the ball and giving it back to the nearest player, he dived on it and tried to stop Eden Hazard from getting to it. In frustration, the player aimed a kick at the ball, freed it and tried to resume play. However, our right little Charlie rolled around like … well, like most overseas footballers do when a boot brushing their shin produces a reaction akin to as if they’d been shot.

January 27 - Ball Boy

Hazard was sent off and Charlie, escorted from the pitch for treatment and an Oscar for the best over-acting on a football pitch since Rivaldo went down clutching his head during the 2002 World Cup, despite being hit on the thigh.

Would Chelsea, with eleven men still on the field, changed the result? Probably not. Were the Swansea ball-boys a load of cheating bastards? Most definitely. Still, seeing as it happened to buy yourself a team without working hard for it, Chelsea, nobody is that bothered they lost.

As for Charlie Morgan, he just looked what he is, a right knob-end.

Tweet Tweet …

The Pope caused confusion this week by tweeting in the old-fashioned and outdated, traditional Latin.

Jan 27 - Darth Ratzinger

Yes, Pope during the day and Sith Lord by night, Darth Ratzinger’s tweet was read by millions … and understood by none.

Mind you, it’s about par for the course with any of the other outdated and unbelievable biblical bullshit he comes out with. I took a quick look at his Twitter page and was amused to find that despite having 1.5 million idiots, I mean – followers, Ratzinger follows but eight people, and they are all himself in different languages. Nothing supercilious about that, then. Perhaps he should add a ninth to include Latin for the three people who still speak the language.


It’s common knowledge that if you base anything factual on stuff you read on Wikipedia, you are risking inaccuracy. Even so, I wasn’t, until this week, aware there were deliberate hoaxes.

Fictitious holy people, the name of Julius Caesars assassin, even imaginary wars – they are all, or were, on there.

And look at this one, taken from a current page which you can view right now …

Jan 27 - Katie Price

Yes, Katie Price and the fact it states she’s an author.

See what I mean … fabrications.

A right load of bankers.

Bank of England Chief, Mervin King says bailed out banks such as Lloyd’s and RBS should be allowed to return to the private sector. Great, can the public have their money back? Yes, Mervin, we know you have the title, Sir, but some folk reckon that has to be earned, not just because you’re wealthy. And so you think these banks should be privatised again. Right, because it’s not like they made a complete balls-up last time they were so.

Bit of an own-goal.

No, I’m not on about football again. I’m talking about the BBC and their latest gaffe over the Jimmy Savile paedophile scandal. Not content to allow the man to allegedly abuse hundreds of young girls over 40 years, they re-ran, without checking, a ten-year old kids programme which featured a spoof impersonation of Savile.

Jan 27 - Tweenies Jimmy Savile

The Tweenies. The only thing marginally more creepy than Jimmy Savile.

Jan 27 - Tweenies

And the snow is virtually gone as I speak.

The roads are clear again. The only bad thing is, because the snow on the pavements was so compacted, it is now rock-hard ice and dangerous underfoot. Therefore, we are all walking in the road and risking getting run over by the cars now they can drive again.

Now I’ll see a council wagon down my road, when one hits me.



In the name of sanity …

You may remember me talking about Christmas the other week and how we seem to start shopping in October. Well, I was driving home the other evening in the pouring rain, slowed down for a second, and saw it.

Duh, duh, duuuuuurrrr!

I know it’s blurry, but you can just about make it out through a rainy windscreen – the horror. Yes, it wasn’t even late November at the time and some idiot had their Christmas decorations up.

I don’t know why some folk bother to take them down in the first place, they seem to be back up again before you know. I mentioned sanity in the title to this piece but with Christmas, sanity goes out of the window. Why do folk go overboard, spend thousands they can’t afford, all for some superstitious nonsense? Let’s face it, Chico Marx was right.

“There ain’t no Sanity Claus.”

A disturbing revelation.

The other week, I posted a piece about the dentist and to illustrate, used a still from the old Aquafresh advert with the smiling cartoon family. Well, thanks to my good friend, Mr Rich Wiltshir, I have been traumatised since by the image in my mind after an observation he made.

He said, “Am I the first to think the couple in your toothpaste add look like siblings?”

Arrrgghhh! I never thought of it before, but he’s right. The Aquafresh family are brother and sister and the cute Aquafresh child is a result of an incestuous relationship. Either that or Rich and I have far too much time on our hands.

It can’t be true. If they were inbred, they’d have bad teeth, not sparkling ones and they’d be on the Jeremy Kyle Show. As far as I can see, this family are off to Florida.

Bit of a Rolling ripoff …

I like the Rolling Stones. As I said the other week when commenting on a piece, I have some of their albums. However, I keep reading of fans complaining that their big 50th anniversary show in London was being ticketed at over £100 for the cheapest seats to nearly four times that for better ones.

An absolute ripoff. They should be ashamed. It’s not like they need the money. A decent tariff would have rewarded fans.

On another note, I see Bill Wyman has been drafted in to make a reunion appearance. I see everybody has conveniently forgotten he used to be a pedophile.

Yes, I know she was 18 when they married, but she states he’d been shagging her since she was 13. If it happened today, he’d subsequently be shagging a beefy skinhead called, Boris – in prison.

Strange things in a strange town.

Went to a great concert the other night in Wolverhampton by one of my favourites at the minute – Frank Turner. I took Matthew, my 13-year-old and it was on the way back to the car in Wolverhampton Town Centre, he pointed something out to me.

‘Look at that chair on its own.’

In Wolverhampton, seating is provided for shoppers. Most look like this …

However, the one my son pointed out was single and lonely, as is shown below.

I though it rather funny. But why install a single chair? The only thing I can think of is the politically correct brigade in Wolverhampton want to cater for all people so they have several solitary seats for those who have no mates.

Bureaucratic madness.

I read the other day that over 5000 under-aged offenders have received driving bans which have been imposed even though they are not legally old enough to drive. Five kids have had this ban even though they are only 11.

What the hell is the point of that? Yes, fine them and do everything the system allows within the range of common sense but why ban them from doing something they aren’t supposed to do anyway?

The circus comes to Stamford Bridge – again.

I see multimillionaire, Roman Abramovich wielded the axe again this week. Now when Roberto Di Matteo was sacked by West Bromwich Albion nearly two years ago, I thought it harsh. However, they were facing relegation and history shows the right decision was probably made, in hindsight. Still, Roberto went to Chelsea and became manager when the mad Russian sacked the last poor sod after half a season in charge. Robbie took the job, then went onto win the biggest prize in European football.

Not good enough for Abramovich. I mean, after a few games this season, Chelsea are only in 4th so Robbie had to go.

Bollocks. I feel for Chelsea fans … Actually, I don’t. They’ve had all this glory just because some billionaire wants to use them as his plaything. Still, what does Abramovic expect? A manager needs time. Far more than this twat gives them.

What a clown.

He has now installed former Liverpool manager, Rafa Benitez, in the hope he will lead Chelsea to the Premier League title. If past managers are anything to go by, Rafa shouldn’t worry about buying a house in SW6 just yet. Having a long stay in the Premier League? Rafa Benitez should expect a few weeks at a Premier Inn.

Don’t you know there’s a war on?

David Cameron has said that the battle for global prosperity is the same as the one we had when fighting Hitler.

Now there is a thing called Godwin’s Law. This is the idea that as soon as you bring Hitler and the Nazis into an argument, you immediately lose that argument.

Okay, not exactly the same but by using Hitler as a reference in this one, Cameron has proved one thing.

He is a pillock.

No – still not in the festive spirit.

And I won’t be for many weeks to come. I do celebrate Christmas, but as an atheist, I use it as a time to be nice to my family once a year. Other people take it to the extreme, as in the case of the November Christmas lights on that house at the top of this roast. Then you have all the stocking up in case the world ends because the shops shut for one day a year. And don’t get me started on cards. You have all the palaver of sending cards to people you see every day, but it doesn’t end there.

What was it I saw in the shop the other day? One with a greeting – Happy Christmas from the cat.

From the fucking cat????

Yes, sanity has more than gone out the window. It’s now stuck up the chimney with last year’s rotting remains of Father Christmas.

Cheers – and bah humbug!


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