Tag Archive: Katie Price

Keep celebrity meals off the menu.

March 3 - Pasta © David Britt

Look, there’s a picture of a plate with far too much pasta on it …


One of the biggest gripes people have about social networking sites is over folk, friends and family who persistently post what it is they have just had to eat. It’s annoying. We don’t care. However, when you are a celebrity, it seems your entire world falls prey to the media so when somebody like Katie Price tweets that they have had a Sunday Roast (a real one), papers like The Sun (Monday February 25 – page 11) think it’s newsworthy enough to re-tweet it in their scummy paper.

May 6 The Scum

Yes, she’s a celebrity … We still don’t care. Why should we be remotely interested in what some model has just had for tea? Go and do a proper journalistic job and report on a government who discriminates against the disabled, or a Pope who covers up child abuse, or even the fact I witnessed police responding to a call by having to catch a bus (Really … it happened). We’re also not interested in what some failure of a soccer manager has been doing, or if he’s shagging some netball star (Friday – front page of The Sun). We also don’t need to know if some second-rate comedian has been sending smutty texts (Front page, Tuesday) Neither do we don’t want to know what he had for tea, either.

For Christ’s sake, report on the bloody news!

No smoke without fire?

Well, if there is going to be any white papal smoke billowing in the near future, you can be sure it won’t have been ignited by the head of the British Catholic Church. As if religion could be even more discredited, you have the most senior catholic in the UK, Cardinal Keith O’Brien, accused of sex crimes. Amazing, but should we be surprised?

We do need to be careful and not judge people, as most of the church hierarchy do when denouncing homosexuality. However, Keith O’Brien is innocent until proven guilty. Anyway, he won’t be found guilty, his track record of famous friends will stand him in good stead.

March 3 - Cardinal Keith O'Brien with Jimmy Savile

Oh shit!

Which Direction shall I take now? The only One I can.

Karaoke boy-band, One Direction, are furious. Their fans have been fleeced and scammed by bogus con-tricksters who set up ticketing scams.

A bogus company … conning folk? Well, One Direction would know all about that. Pretending to be a music act and misleading the audience into thinking they have any talent while hoping we won’t notice their instruments are mysteriously playing themselves.

June 24 One Direction

Okay, there’s a picture of the darlings, just to please the fans who I’ve just upset.

Rewriting history … Hollywood style.

It was a fun week at the Oscars with Ben Affleck film, Argo, winning three of the awards.

Best picture, best adapted screen play and best editing. Well, they certainly edited the truth.

Once again, the British have been removed from history and painted in a bad light by making out they failed to help a group of Americans during the Iran crisis in 1979. As it happens, we are told in reality, the British Ambassador risked his life to aid the evacuees.

But it’s not the first time, is it?

Braveheart, Saving Private Ryan, then there was U-571. That load of baloney credited the Americans with bravely capturing a submarine, cracking the enigma machine and thus, winning the war. In fact, it was the British who got hold of the thing and the codes were solved by intelligence officers at Bletchley Park.

I saw a small article this week that former Doctor Who, Jon Pertwee and Bond author, Ian Fleming, both worked for Naval Intelligence during the war, training commandos. No doubt if a Hollywood version is ever made, Pertwee and Fleming will be replaced by Errol Flynn and Ken Kesey, and even though the latter was only 10 when the war ended, it wouldn’t stop them.

As for Argo, I know sometimes you have to make a fictional account for artistic purposes, but don’t try to pass it off as being the truth. It’s insulting and embarrassing.

Dishing out justice.

Poor old David Compton of Darwen, Lancashire. Never been in trouble with the law and he gets into some for trying to maintain it.

A young neighbouring 11-year-old yob decided it was funny to pelt Mr Compton’s house with stones. David took exception to this, caught the kid and frogmarched him home to speak with his parents. Now if that were my son, I’d be furious. There is right and there is wrong. Some things you just don’t do. But did this pond-life of a family chastise their son? No, they reported Mr Compton to the police.

I think you can see where the kid learned his moral values from. Justice, eh!

March 3 - Kitchen Scales © Antony N Britt

Yes, I know it looks random but I wanted to insert a symbol of the Scales of British Justice, and these kitchen scales were the only ones I had.

So … what is the future for this Roast?

Going to be starting a new job soon. Can’t do all the hours I imagine I’ll be doing and still keep up my current writing output. Some things will have to go. Don’t know … Perhaps the roast will have to either be drastically reduced in size, or go to once every few weeks. I certainly would like to write more on other stuff as well, so watch this space. Or maybe I could just pad the Roast out with pictures of everything I have eaten all week.



It’s been snow joke trying to walk into town this week.

But finally, the white stuff has all but gone. What I want to know is, how come every road in the borough appeared to have seen a sprinkle of rock salt at some point or other … except mine, that is.

Jan 27 - Snow in Walsall © Antony N Britt

That was after five days and no sign of it being cleared. Hmm … Do you think it might have a little to do with my recent criticism towards the local council? You know, the sort of thing I wrote in this blog, plus about every other Walsall blog, and finally, in a letter to my local paper where I accused the council leader of having a God Complex and failing the people who elected him.

Come on, the letter wasn’t that scathing in the end. I mean, they edited out, sycophantic wankers and total greedy bastards, so I really don’t see the reason for not clearing the snow from my road.

I didn’t mind. The exercise in walking into town did me good. I must have burned numerous calories on my way to get my Full English Breakfast, the other day.

As for the snow, I built my first snowman for nearly 40 years, last Sunday. I thought he’d stop my nosy neighbours peering through the non-existent fence they can’t be bothered to replace.

Jan 27 - Doctor Who Snowman © Antony N Britt

Come into my garden (ha ha!) and I’ll give you nightmares for a week.

And talking of snowmen …

Silliest headline of the week was this one in the Daily Mirror.

Jan 27 - Build a Snowman

Yes, agencies worried about flooding caused by melting snow advised us all to build snowmen.

Really? I’m kind of guessing there wasn’t much going on in the news that day.

A Hazardous game – football.

Football was overshadowed this week by a new sport called, Let’s kick the ball-boy.

Yes, 0-2 down to Swansea and with ten minutes to go, Chelsea player, Eden Hazard tried to retrieve the ball to speed the game up. However, he didn’t reckon on coming into conflict with head-case ball-boy, Charlie Morgan.

January 27 - Hazard

Spoilt brat, Charlie, son of a Swansea City director, reacted first in trying to get to the ball. It was ironic. You see, it was the fastest any of the biased home-based ball boys had moved all night in their attempts to stall for time and basically – cheat.

Charlie was no exception. Instead of simply picking up the ball and giving it back to the nearest player, he dived on it and tried to stop Eden Hazard from getting to it. In frustration, the player aimed a kick at the ball, freed it and tried to resume play. However, our right little Charlie rolled around like … well, like most overseas footballers do when a boot brushing their shin produces a reaction akin to as if they’d been shot.

January 27 - Ball Boy

Hazard was sent off and Charlie, escorted from the pitch for treatment and an Oscar for the best over-acting on a football pitch since Rivaldo went down clutching his head during the 2002 World Cup, despite being hit on the thigh.

Would Chelsea, with eleven men still on the field, changed the result? Probably not. Were the Swansea ball-boys a load of cheating bastards? Most definitely. Still, seeing as it happened to buy yourself a team without working hard for it, Chelsea, nobody is that bothered they lost.

As for Charlie Morgan, he just looked what he is, a right knob-end.

Tweet Tweet …

The Pope caused confusion this week by tweeting in the old-fashioned and outdated, traditional Latin.

Jan 27 - Darth Ratzinger

Yes, Pope during the day and Sith Lord by night, Darth Ratzinger’s tweet was read by millions … and understood by none.

Mind you, it’s about par for the course with any of the other outdated and unbelievable biblical bullshit he comes out with. I took a quick look at his Twitter page and was amused to find that despite having 1.5 million idiots, I mean – followers, Ratzinger follows but eight people, and they are all himself in different languages. Nothing supercilious about that, then. Perhaps he should add a ninth to include Latin for the three people who still speak the language.


It’s common knowledge that if you base anything factual on stuff you read on Wikipedia, you are risking inaccuracy. Even so, I wasn’t, until this week, aware there were deliberate hoaxes.

Fictitious holy people, the name of Julius Caesars assassin, even imaginary wars – they are all, or were, on there.

And look at this one, taken from a current page which you can view right now …

Jan 27 - Katie Price

Yes, Katie Price and the fact it states she’s an author.

See what I mean … fabrications.

A right load of bankers.

Bank of England Chief, Mervin King says bailed out banks such as Lloyd’s and RBS should be allowed to return to the private sector. Great, can the public have their money back? Yes, Mervin, we know you have the title, Sir, but some folk reckon that has to be earned, not just because you’re wealthy. And so you think these banks should be privatised again. Right, because it’s not like they made a complete balls-up last time they were so.

Bit of an own-goal.

No, I’m not on about football again. I’m talking about the BBC and their latest gaffe over the Jimmy Savile paedophile scandal. Not content to allow the man to allegedly abuse hundreds of young girls over 40 years, they re-ran, without checking, a ten-year old kids programme which featured a spoof impersonation of Savile.

Jan 27 - Tweenies Jimmy Savile

The Tweenies. The only thing marginally more creepy than Jimmy Savile.

Jan 27 - Tweenies

And the snow is virtually gone as I speak.

The roads are clear again. The only bad thing is, because the snow on the pavements was so compacted, it is now rock-hard ice and dangerous underfoot. Therefore, we are all walking in the road and risking getting run over by the cars now they can drive again.

Now I’ll see a council wagon down my road, when one hits me.



Severe weather warning.

In the UK, we really are rubbish at dealing with the weather.

Jan 20 - Walsall in Snow © Antony N Britt

Did you see that picture? Exactly. That’s what it takes. The full extent of a snowfall needed in this country to bring the place to a standstill.

First thing Friday morning, I was hearing that most of the schools were open. By lunchtime, parents were being called to come and get the kids because of the snow. And it was the same elsewhere. People sent home from work early, all ending up in huge traffic jams as they left at the same time. Wouldn’t it have been better to work till late and go home when it was quieter? Just a thought.

Now I’m not going to lie, I haven’t taken my car out. You see the main reason is the roads. Even though we’ve only had a few inches of white stuff, they are terrible because very few are safe to drive on. Our council workers do a good job with the budget allowed and I was told via Twitter by our fingers on the pulse council that they had cleared the important areas on Friday. Walsall Town Centre and schools had been gritted and also, they made sure all the cemeteries were clear.

May 20 Question

Cemeteries … really? Were they one of the most important places to keep accessible? I mean, it’s not as if the residents are going anywhere, is it.

I guess the authorities try their best. I’m just glad I’m not one of those who it took several hours to get home the other day. Even so, as professional a job as they did, those in the UK can’t beat the folk in some countries like Canada. I’ve seen this pic bandied about a few times on Facebook and Twitter … so I stole it.

Jan 20 - Meanwhile in Canada

Think the UK can match that? No, neither can I.

Happy Snow Days, folks.

The sums don’t add up …

Well these wouldn’t, because I’m talking about long division. Apparently, education ministers want to return to the old-fashioned method of dividing numbers. What a waste of time. I used to use my own method at school and I have to admit, as good as I am at simple maths, I never understood long division, whatsoever. And why should I? I can divide, and I’ve never needed it. It’s the same as algebra. Come to think of it, it’s the same as just about everything in mathematics apart from add, subtract, multiply and divide. Any other kind of sums, I’ve never used in my life.

What’s wrong with teaching the kids the basics instead of complicating things? Better still, use a bloody calculator.

Jan 20 - Calculator © Antony N Britt

And the royal news of the moment …

Yes, the Duchess of Cambridge is still pregnant. However, I did read the other day, a rumour that the baby will be named after whichever town the royal couple were in when it was conceived.

Jan 20 - Shitterton

Let’s just hope they weren’t staying there.

Does my bum look big in this?

I was reading this week about two young sisters who have spent £5,000 between them to make their bums look bigger. Karen and Jennifer Lopez, both had bum enlargements before they were 18. This was on top of other cosmetic surgery. You have to wonder about the mentality of parents. I’d personally call it child abuse.

I won’t post a picture of the Lopez sisters. Instead, here’s the real Jennifer Lopez.

Jan 20 - Jennifer Lopez Bum

I really don’t know why the sisters spent that much and flew to Colombia to have their ass-work done. In the UK, we have a much cheaper method of achieving bum enhancement. It’s called McDonald’s and Burger King.

It’s written in the stars.

Former Page 3 model, Katie Price is in the news again over her love life. She married for a third time recently and of course, this was the big headline in The Sun.


Note … I didn’t buy The Sun, I stole this from a Chinese Takeaway.

What I find interesting is the headline. Apparently, Katie was told to wed by a psychic. The psychic also said she’d marry someone called Kevin. However, her new husband’s name is actually, Kieran. Okay, it begins with a k, has an i, an e and an n in it (all in the wrong order), but apart from that, the psychic got it spot on.

Katie reckons it’s close enough for her. Rather like paying somebody to write all your books then passing them off as your own, is close to being called a writer.

Got to admire Barack.

Jan 20 - Barack Obama Gun Law

I know he’s not advocating a total gun ban, but it’s a start, and he’s a brave man to stand up to the ridiculous mentality of the gun lobby and all the crap about a right to bear arms.

There is only one result of carrying a gun, and that’s the fact it will be used. Get rid of the lot. Make them so hard to come by and such a crime to carry one that it would result in an immediate life sentence if you did. Let’s face it. Less guns = less gun crime.

Anyway …

I know it’s a slightly shorter roast this week, but I’m calling a halt due to the snow. Bye.



So, here’s what’s been happening, then.

Last week we had holiday tales. The week before, a filler roast as I was actually on the holiday and before that, a right royal rant. It’s therefore been ages since I had a good old swipe at the news and even longer since I mentioned the film Titanic and the fact they could both fit on the plank.

Yep, that’s the one, but no more, even if it is still what most of you are googling for. I’m not going to mention anybody off the Jeremy Kyle Show who has bad teeth, either.

No you don’t but before I go on, I would like to make one comment about the Jubilee from a few weeks back.

Apparently, on the official day of the Jubilee, there was a 60-gun salute fired from Horse Guard Parade.

Sixty guns … Sixty! And not one of the buggers hit.

Football’s crossed a fine line, it seems.

Ever since England were denied a perfectly good over-the-line goal at the last World Cup, the FA have been advocating the introduction of goal-line technology in matches. However, FIFA major prat – Sepp Blatter, has kept rejecting this idea until now. That would be when a bad decision appeared to benefit England during their Euro 2012 game against host nation, Ukraine.

So what’s all the fuss about? Yes, it crossed the line, but you have to account for human error. I mean, an assistant referee standing a couple of feet away. Surely he’s not expected to notice this?

It’s the same as in the build-up. The debate should never have reached the goal-line as the original ball was offside.

The man running the line didn’t notice that, either.

Not only that, there were other, more blatant incidents in the game that went unnoticed too.

Okay. My initial first reaction said that it was over the line but the UEFA and FIFA chiefs have said no to change until now. Therefore, goal-line technology, or some blind bat who should have gone to Specsavers? Should we, in England say, I told you so?

Perhaps 8 out of 10 celebrities are already doing it?

So, comedian Jimmy Carr got caught out shifting his cash in a tax avoidance scheme. Most would, if they knew they could get away with it. Bono has done it for ages while preaching to the masses how we should use our money to care for the poor nations. Anyway, why lambast some hapless mug like Carr? I mean, there are worse criminals out there every day robbing innocent folk and storing their ill-gotten gains in a display of greed in a manner that is unparallelled. What do we call them again? Oh what is it: Looters, thieves, crooks, robbers? Oh no – now I remember. Bankers.

A punishment worse than death.

Democracy campaigner, Aung San Suu Kyi has told how listening to DJ Dave Lee Travis on the BBC World Service during her imprisonment, kept her spirits high. Is she mad? Kept in prison is one thing, but forced to listen to Dave Lee Travis … that’s torture.

Poor old Cheryl.

Aww … Cheryl Cole says her latest song is about a bully junkie she once dated who left her humiliated and depressed. People forget that Cole, herself, was once a violent thug who beat up toilet attendants.

Hmmm … Maybe not such a saint. Glass houses and all that?

In the air tonight?

Apparently, rock legend Phil Collins has ruled out a comeback. The 61-year-old, quit music some time ago after 40 years of bashing the drums left him with nerve damage and hearing problems.

He thinks he had it bad. How about the millions listening to the radio being forced-fed Phil Collins songs; what about our ears?

Talking of music to insult the eardrums …

Generic boy-band, One Direction apparently went fishing off the coast of California and caught a shark. Pity. Can’t a shark go and catch hold of One Direction?

Boys. You do realise you look ridiculous in those outfits?

One Direction. Proof you can promote bilge and get away with it.

Holding a torch?

Okay, do I abandon my principles and watch the Olympic Torch go through the town next Saturday? One – I’m not remotely interested in the Olympics. Two – I’m very anti Olympics as many good charitable projects lost their funding and had to fold due to money being diverted to this white elephant. However, it is said to be a once in a lifetime experience, so should I go?

Answers please …

I rest my case.

So wise woman of the west, Katie Price was quoted this week as agreeing with serial nob, Iain Duncan Smith. Katie says, “We need more IDS style common sense to lift Britain out of the benefits abyss.”

Well Katie, the thing is, not everybody can make a living by simply getting their tits out, selling their lurid stories and then finally getting somebody else to write books that you then pass off as your own.

However, Katie says Iain Duncan Smith is right so who are we to argue. This would be the same Iain Duncan Smith who the day after huge crippling cuts were heaped upon the nation, told us that there were plenty of jobs to go for and we should all get on a bus to find work. Yes, Iain, that would be the plenty of jobs available after your party slashed budgets meaning that up to half a million loyal public sector workers lost their jobs with most facing years of poverty. Still, you must know what you’re talking about, sitting in a mansion with your estimated £1million fortune.

It is also the same Iain Duncan Smith who likes to have a go at the disabled, saying they don’t really do much work, just make cups of coffee and talk.

Iain Duncan Smith and common sense. The two are incompatible. The same as Katie Price and talent.

Katie Price. Her intellectuality and finger on the pulse of the nation is evident for all to see.

Thank God the Jubilee is over.

I did feel a slight bit of sympathy for the Duke of Hazard, Prince Phillip, though. He had to miss a lot of it as he was taken to hospital with a bladder infection. That’s what comes of spending a lifetime taking the piss.



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